Why I Feel Like William Tell's Apple.

I love writing, it has become a real way of life for me. If you asked me I would say I really love my teaching too - until the introduction of the Fischer Fantasy Targets. Our kids are school are sweet (mostly) so we work hard to get them the best grades we can. Some of our successes have been notable - a student of mine got the highest chemistry mark in the UK for his A levels. Now, in the quest for a higher position in the league tables, the FFTs have been wheeled out. They set an exam target for each student based on KS2 and KS3 score, do they get school dinners, eat white or brown bread at home, have a sibling named Dwayne etc. Every factor you can imagine is taken into account to label the kids. The FFTs know everything about kids in general and nothing about each individual child.
An FFT can't tell you if the child's parents are in a poisonous marriage, if one of their siblings is much brighter so they feel inadequate or if they have friends who lead them astray. Apparently this doesn't matter. We get on well with our students and accept that most will be on target, some may underachieve and others will overachieve. Often we actually speak to them like humans and give a toss how they are. We accept that there are some students we can help and a few we really can't for whatever reason. However if you are an FFT believer all you want is a student on target. Undertarget is unacceptable and worthy of investigation. Strangely being overtarget is unworthy of comment. No wonder we all feel like the apple sitting on a little boy's head.

How far can my sledge travel?

After the screenwriters festival my sledge of scripts was happily barreling along with great momentum. Back in the real world of stressing about kids exams, parent's evenings and general knackerness I feel I have hit the up slope. The amount of work I need to do has hit me. How long will it be before I can completely rewrite Granny's Little Helper? I have started but it is a huge job. And what about the other things I want to write? At the moment I am twittering a story about the Bedbugs of New York on Vacation and this is terrific fun. There is SO much I can do with that concept. Perhaps I need to find a script developmentncourse where I can take my script. Or should I just book more snow to glide on?

Chicken Pies and Bug Eyes

I found another excuse not to write on Saturday. This time it was cooking for friends. I decided to make a Chicken and Sumac pie - a gorgeous dish from Lebanon I've made before. Sumac, a sour tasting spice was no problem - but filo pastry was. Tesco in Heswall has an infuriating habit of never having supplies of anything slightly exotic when you need it. They often run out of coconut milk for heaven's sake. So I was forced far and wide (well, Sainsburys) to feed my mates. It was worth it though. The filling is very simple; chicken, onions, sumac, cardamon, cinnamon - but it is divine.
On the shopping front for writers I checked out Final Draft, nearly fainted at the price, and downloaded Celtx for free instead. At least formatting screenplays doens't have to drive me insane anymore. To whit I have worked out a new way of introducing my character Alex and his family in Granny's Little Helper. I like this family. Infact if they weren't imaginary I would invite them round for some pie too.

Opera meets the Orange Lodge?

One of the guys I met at the LSF sent an e-mail round (thanks Mike) about a Channel 4 script competition. I need a major rewrite but I am tempted by it, despite the short deadline.

But I took a night off to go and watch the Magic Flute at the Liverpool Empire with my friend Di. You could describe the Magic Flute as a savage custody battle with some musical instruments thrown in. The set was really imaginative - a room where the walls are painted with cloudy blue skies and contain numerous doors. Most entertaining though were the other members of the Temple of Wisdom dressed heat to foot in orange suits and bowler hats. Does this make Sarastro an operatic Uncle Billy? Is the Queen of the Night of the opposite persuasion (stunning singing by her)? Who knows. It did have that wonderful pantomime quality that all good Magic Flutes should have.

Pitching and Itching

Still recovering from the terrific weekend in London. On Saturday I had my script for Granny's Little Helper checked over in a clinic. I had made some basic howlers however... he loved the story line and said it reminded him of Mike Leigh ( a compliment I'm happy to take). That afternoon I had another three pitching sessions so I tried it on a German agent. He engaged with it straight away and said he would be in touch! One thing is for sure, I need a major rewrite!

Had an idea for a story on Twitter about two bedbugs from New York who end up in England by mistake. You can follow the saga of Larry and Loretta Bedbug on EJFisher2.

Hope it doesn't make you itch too much.